Life can offer us many challenges having to do with loss. When we are faced with relationship loss, financial loss, loss of health, loss of limb, loss of regard, or loss of love, we can feel overwhelmingly anxious, depressed and stressed. When the anxiety, depression and stress get too big, we may have a nervous breakdown – that is, we become incapable of functioning in our everyday life and incapable of coping with our daily challenges.
What causes one person to have a nervous breakdown while another, with equally difficult or even more difficult challenges, is able to stay functioning and even optimistic?
Imagine a seven year old child trying to cope with a big loss in his or her life, like the loss of a parent. What enables the seven year old to handle this loss? A seven year old can handle the loss only when there is a loving adult helping him or her with the loss. When there is no loving adult helping with the loss, the child may handle the loss by shutting down. The shutting down may lead to a loss of functioning, such as doing poorly in school.
However, when the child does not feel alone with the loss – when there is love sustaining the child from an adult source – this child will be able to cope with the feelings of loss. The same is true for us as adults. We all have a very hard time with loss when we feel alone with it, but we can manage it when we are not alone.
However, we cannot always rely on others to be here for us in times of loss, stress and overwhelm. Those people who have family and friends to always turn to for emotional and financial support during times of loss are fortunate indeed. But there are many people who are not so fortunate. Without others to turn to, we need to be able to turn to a reliable inner source of love to make it through and not feel alone. This reliable source needs to be our own inner spiritually connected loving Adult self. Those people who are able to manage loss without losing functioning are those people who do not feel alone inside because they have developed a strong loving Adult self.
I define the loving Adult as the part of us that is open to learning from and connected with a spiritual source of love, wisdom and guidance. It is the part of us that takes loving action in our own behalf, nurtures us when we feel fear and grief, and operates from the truth from Spirit rather than from the lies of our wounded self – our ego. Just as children can manage loss when there is a loving adult to help them, the child in us can manage loss when we have a strong, spiritually connected loving Adult self to help us. As a loving Adult we know we are never alone. We know we are always being loved, sustained and guided by a spiritual Source.
It is often not enough to have a strong religious or spiritual connection. If you have not been using that connection to develop your loving Adult self, then there is no part of you to bring love and comfort to yourself when you most need it, and no part of you that can take loving action for yourself, especially when things are overwhelming.
People who have nervous breakdowns are people who are not operating from a loving Adult in their everyday lives. They are able to function as long as things go well, but when things fall apart, as they often do in life, these people may also fall apart. Without a loving Adult to bring the love and truth of Spirit to them, they end up feeling too alone to manage loss.
The Inner Bonding process we teach is a very powerful process for developing a strong loving Adult self. When Inner Bonding is practiced consistently, the loving Adult naturally develops. We all can develop enough personal power and a deep enough spiritual connection to sustain us during the difficult times. We don’t have to be at the mercy of life’s challenges. Practicing the 6 Steps of Inner Bonding is like putting money in the bank for when it might be needed. The more you practice the process and develop the loving Adult, the easier it is to handle life’s big challenges as they arise.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbonding.com
