Are you someone who finds it hard to say no? Do you often find yourself doing favors for others, but rarely ask for help in return? If this sounds like you, you might be a people pleaser. People pleasers prioritize the needs of others over their own, often to their own detriment.
The Struggles of a People Pleaser
People pleasers often suppress their own desires and needs in order to avoid upsetting others. They tend to spend time with individuals who disregard their needs, and feel compelled to appease those who are insensitive or unhappy, even if it harms them in the process.
The constant need to satisfy others can be exhausting, leading to feelings of anxiety, unhappiness, and fatigue. People pleasers often struggle to understand why others don’t reciprocate their efforts, but they rarely voice their needs.
A common belief among people pleasers is that if they ask for help and someone agrees, it’s out of obligation rather than genuine willingness. This mindset stems from their own sense of obligation to help others, rather than doing so out of desire. Unfortunately, many people pleasers have been conditioned to believe their worth is tied to their ability to serve others.
The Origins of People Pleasing
People pleasers often grow up in environments where their needs and feelings were disregarded or deemed unimportant. They may have been expected to cater to the needs of others from a young age, or experienced neglect or abuse, leading them to believe their needs were insignificant. In many cultures, girls are raised to prioritize the needs of others over their own, resulting in many women exhibiting people-pleasing tendencies. Men who identified with their mothers often exhibit these traits as well.
Overcoming People Pleasing
While it can be challenging, it is possible to overcome the tendency to constantly please others. Here are some strategies to consider:
- Practice saying no. Start with small things and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations.
- Avoid automatically saying yes. Take a moment to consider requests before responding.
- Take breaks. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, it’s important to take time for yourself.
- Slow down. Walking slowly can be a simple way to start reducing your pace.
- Find what brings you joy. Whether it’s reading, watching videos, or listening to music, give yourself permission to do things you enjoy.
- Ask for help. While it may be difficult, it’s important to learn to ask others for assistance.
- Check in with yourself. Pay attention to your feelings and thoughts, and try to express them more often.
Many people pleasers fear that they will be disliked if they stop doing things for others. However, if someone only values you for what you do for them, they are taking advantage of you. You deserve to take care of yourself without feeling guilty. Remember, change is possible, one small step at a time!
