Sexual-esteem or positive regard for and confidence in one’s ability to experience sexuality in a satisfying and enjoyable way, may be shattered for a person with a disability. People tend to make assumptions about people with disabilities that have no bearing on reality – or their humanity. Even though there are those who believe that disabled people should not want to be sexually active, this is not factual because people with disabilities still long to be touched and loved just like a person who is totally healthy. Contrary to the opinion of mainstream society, people who suffer from disabilities are still able to enjoy pleasurable sexual experiences.
Many disabled people experience a lack of information as well as significant distress and anguish around their sexual and personal relationships. An important first step back to a rewarding sexual relationship involves communicating openly and directly with partners, doctors and other health care professionals. This is not always easy, however. People often have trouble discussing sexual issues or simply feel lucky to be alive and, therefore, as if they don’t have the right to “complain” about changes in sexual functioning. Many assume, incorrectly, that sexual intimacy is no longer possible due to sensation loss in the genitals. As a result, some may decide to ignore sexuality issues because they believe they no longer apply to them; others will seek out any opportunity to restore sexual-esteem. Questions, concerns, and feelings of anger about our sexuality are natural after disability or illness.
Almost everyone can enjoy sex in some way or other, regardless of their disability. To find out what suits you and your partner can take experimentation, imagination and above all, learning to feel comfortable with your own image of your body and your desires. If you want to suggest new ways of having sex to your partner, it is important that you bring it up in a way that doesn’t make them feel awkward. Wait until you are both feeling relaxed and sexy. You may find your partner is more willing to try new things than you had realised.
There are no positions specifically for disabled people, only a huge number of positions for you to try and see what you like. If you are trying something for the first time, take it slowly, see how you feel and check if your partner is having a good time. If you feel uncomfortable or find there is too much pressure on your body, switch position. Be sure you both take responsibility for yourselves and set out to enjoy. Penetration is not essential to have a good time, and it doesn’t have to be deep for both partners to find it enjoyable. To begin with find sexual positions which do not cause a great deal of strain to maintain a low level of physical exertion. Perhaps the most comfortable and relaxing position of all is the T position. The woman lays flat on her back while the man lays perpendicular to her, facing her on his side. He straddles her leg furthest from him and enters her softly. This position not only reduces stress, it allows the couple to see one another.
If you are worried about your sex life, or can’t find a way to overcome the sexual problems (such as erection problems ) which are interfering with your happiness, the first step should be your GP. Your GP should know whether you need practical information, medical help or relationship therapy. Sex therapy is always informal and helpful. It helps couples out of their sexual wilderness into a garden of adventure. This information has been brought to you by Firstmed.co.uk, the UK’s leading online impotence clinic. If you wish to discuss any of the above issues in more detail, do not hesitate to contact info@firstmed.co.uk or call +44 (0)870 199 5287
